Raising Kids in the Age of AI: Why Mentoring Matters More Than Monitoring

Artificial intelligence, social media, and digital technology are now woven into nearly every part of daily life.

For children and teens, that means growing up in a world where algorithms shape what they see, AI tools can answer nearly any question, and digital connection is always available.

Technology can offer valuable opportunities for learning, creativity, and connection. But it can also expose young people to content, relationships, and experiences they may not be developmentally prepared to process.

So how can parents and caregivers help children navigate this rapidly changing digital world without leading from fear?

In an episode of Wedgwood’s Coffee Break Conversation, host Hillary Kirkendall sat down with Chris McKenna, founder and CEO of Protect Young Eyes and author of 5 Habits of the Tech-Ready Family, and Brina Tiemeyer, Wedgwood’s Senior Director of Behavioral Health and Community Services.

Together, they explored the impact of AI and social media on children’s mental health, relationships, identity development, and resilience… and offered practical encouragement for families trying to make healthy digital choices.

 

 

Technology Has Changed and So Has Its Influence

Social media was once primarily viewed as a way to communicate with friends and family.

Today, it is much more than that.

Brina describes social media as a “platform of influence,” shaped by algorithms, targeted advertising, recommendation systems, and personalized content.

Unlike television or traditional media, today’s digital platforms respond to each person’s behavior. What someone clicks, watches, likes, or searches can shape what they see next.

AI is becoming even more difficult to separate from everyday technology. It is no longer limited to tools like ChatGPT. AI is increasingly built into search engines, social media platforms, educational tools, apps, and devices used by children every day.

That makes it difficult for parents to simply block or control one specific tool.

Instead, families need to help children understand how these systems work, why they are designed to hold attention, and how to make thoughtful decisions while using them.

Why Digital Experiences Affect Children Differently

Adults and children may use many of the same devices, but those experiences do not necessarily affect them in the same way.

Adults have often had more time to build their identity, develop emotional regulation skills, and learn how to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Children and teens are still developing those skills.

Their understanding of themselves, relationships, conflict, trust, and belonging is still being shaped. When technology replaces or interrupts important real-life experiences, children may miss opportunities to practice the skills they need later in life.

Children may also encounter information or content before they are developmentally ready to understand it.

Chris describes this as receiving “too much too soon.”

A child’s brain may not yet have the framework needed to process what they have seen. This can create fear, confusion, anxiety, emotional dysregulation, or unhealthy curiosity—even when a parent cannot identify one obvious event that caused the change.

Connection Does Not Always Mean Feeling Connected

Young people today are often described as more connected than any previous generation.

At the same time, many report feeling increasingly lonely.

Digital interaction can help people stay in touch, but it cannot fully replace the emotional and developmental benefits of being physically present with other people.

Face-to-face relationships require young people to read facial expressions, understand tone of voice, manage disagreement, respond spontaneously, and consider someone else’s perspective.

Those moments can be uncomfortable, but they are also important.

Real relationships include misunderstanding, disappointment, compromise, and conflict. Through those experiences, children learn how to solve problems, repair relationships, and become more resilient.

AI companions may offer a version of friendship without much of that discomfort. They can provide immediate attention, agreement, and validation without the normal challenges of human relationships.

That can feel comforting, especially to a lonely child or teen. But it may also limit opportunities to build the skills needed for healthy relationships in the real world.

Chris strongly advises that AI companion tools should not be used by minors.

Why Children Need Healthy Friction

Parents naturally want to protect their children from pain, disappointment, and failure.

However, some age-appropriate struggle is necessary for development.

Chris and Brina describe this as “friction.”

Friction happens when a child experiences disagreement, has to wait, makes a mistake, solves a problem, or works through an uncomfortable interaction.

These experiences help children develop coping skills and create what Brina describes as the building blocks of resilience.

When technology removes every obstacle, children may have fewer opportunities to practice handling real-life stress.

That does not mean parents should allow children to navigate difficult situations alone. Instead, adults can remain present and help children understand what happened, identify their emotions, consider possible responses, and learn from the experience.

Mentor, Don’t Just Monitor

One of the clearest takeaways from the conversation is that parents should focus on mentoring, not only monitoring.

Monitoring asks:

• What is my child doing?
• What rules are they breaking?
• How can I stop inappropriate behavior?

Mentoring asks:

• What is my child experiencing?
• What skills do they need?
• How can I help them learn to use technology responsibly?

Monitoring often focuses on catching something after it happens.

Mentoring focuses on preparing children before challenges arise and walking alongside them when mistakes are made.

Chris explains that mentoring changes a parent’s posture from, “I’m trying to catch you doing something wrong,” to, “I want to show you how to do this well.”

Parental controls, filters, time limits, and monitoring tools can still be helpful. But they are most effective when they support an ongoing relationship rather than replace one.

Lead With Curiosity Instead of Fear

Many parents feel overwhelmed by how quickly technology is changing.

They may worry they do not understand enough about AI, social media, privacy settings, or new apps to guide their children effectively.

The encouraging reality is that parents do not have to become technology experts before starting the conversation.

They can begin by asking questions.

Questions such as these can create an open and nonjudgmental conversation:

• What do you enjoy doing online?
• What kinds of AI tools have you used?
• What do your friends use AI for?
• Have you ever seen something online that made you uncomfortable?
• What would you do if someone asked you to send a photo?
• Do you think everything AI tells you is accurate?
• How do you feel after spending time on this app?

Curiosity helps children feel heard instead of interrogated.

It may also help parents understand the need behind a child’s behavior. A child who constantly turns to an AI tool, video game, or social media platform may be looking for connection, comfort, validation, distraction, or belonging.

Understanding that need gives families something meaningful to address together.

Prepare for Mistakes Before They Happen

Children will eventually make mistakes with technology.

They may click something they should not have clicked, share too much information, send an inappropriate message, believe false information, or encounter harmful content.

The most important question may not be whether a mistake happens, but how the adults in their life respond.

Chris encourages parents to prepare their response in advance.

Children are interacting with platforms created by highly skilled developers, designers, scientists, and engineers whose goal is often to increase engagement and keep users online.

Recognizing what children are up against can help parents respond with empathy instead of immediate condemnation.

Parents can repeatedly remind their children:

• You can always talk to me.
• You will not be in trouble for asking for help.
• There is never a bad time to tell me something happened.
• We can work through mistakes together.

When children believe they can “land safely” with a trusted adult, they are more likely to seek help when something goes wrong.

Model the Habits You Want Children to Learn

Children often remember what adults do more than what adults say.

Parents and caregivers can model healthy technology use by:

• Putting phones away during meals and conversations
• Taking breaks from social media
• Spending time outdoors
• Prioritizing sleep
• Avoiding constant multitasking
• Questioning information before sharing it
• Talking openly about their own digital choices
• Making time for hobbies, movement, relationships, and community

Brina emphasizes that technology itself is not necessarily the villain. Passive and unintentional use is the greater concern.

The goal is not to eliminate all technology.

The goal is to help children use it with awareness, purpose, and healthy boundaries.

Critical Thinking Is a Digital-Age Superpower

AI tools can generate answers quickly, but quick answers are not always accurate, complete, or healthy.

Young people need to learn how to “trust but verify.”

That includes asking:

• Who created this information?
• What might be missing?
• Is this trying to influence me?
• Can I verify this through another source?
• Is this an actual person, an advertisement, or AI-generated content?
• How does this content make me feel?
• Why is the platform showing this to me?

Media literacy and AI literacy are becoming essential life skills.

Schools, families, faith communities, mental health professionals, and other trusted adults all have a role to play in helping young people develop those skills.

Real Life Matters Most

Online relationships and experiences can feel very important to children and teens. Adults should not dismiss those feelings.

At the same time, children need consistent reminders that their offline lives matter most.

Their worth is not determined by followers, likes, comments, or online validation.

Healthy development happens through real relationships, community, movement, creativity, play, responsibility, service, and time spent with people who care about them.

Parents can help children create a healthier balance by encouraging offline experiences and making room for boredom, exploration, curiosity, and connection.

Listen to the Full Conversation

To hear more from Chris McKenna and Brina Tiemeyer about AI, social media, mental health, resilience, and practical strategies for families, listen to the full episode of Wedgwood’s Coffee Break Conversation below.

Parents Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Raising children in the digital age can feel intimidating.

Many parents are part of the first generation learning how to guide children through AI, social media, and nearly constant access to technology.

There is no perfect formula, and no family will handle every situation perfectly.

What matters most is remaining intentional, keeping communication open, modeling healthy behavior, and leading with relationship.

Parents do not need to know everything about every new platform.

They simply need to remain curious, present, and willing to walk alongside their children.